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A. Letting
your survivors know your wishes saves them the difficulties of making these
decisions at a painful time. And many family members and friends find that
discussing these matters ahead of time is great relief -- especially if
a person is elderly or in poor health and death is expected soon.
Planning some of these details in
advance can also help save money. For many people, death goods and services
cost more than anything they bought during their lives except homes and
cars. Some wise comparison shopping in advance can help ensure that costs
will be controlled or kept to a minimum.
If you die without leaving written
instructions about your preferences, state law will determine who will
have the right to decide how your remains will be handled. In most states,
the right -- and the responsibility to pay for the reasonable costs of
disposing of remains -- rests with the following people (in the order
shown):
- Spouse
- Children
- Parents
- The next of kin, or
- A public administrator (who is
appointed by a court).
Disputes may arise if two or more
people--the deceased person's children, for example--share responsibility
for a fundamental decision, such as whether the body of a parent should
be buried or cremated. But such disputes can be avoided if you are willing
to do some planning and to put your wishes in writing.
What you choose to include is a
personal matter, likely to be dictated by custom, religious preference
or simply your own whims. A typical final arrangements document might
include:
- The name of the mortuary or other
institution that will handle burial or cremation
- Whether or not you wish to be
embalmed
- The type of casket or container
in which your remains will be buried or cremated, including whether
you want it present at any after-death ceremony
- The details of any ceremony you
want before the burial or cremation
- Who your pallbearers will be
if you wish to have some
- How your remains will be transported
to the cemetery and gravesite
- Where your remains will be buried,
stored or scattered
- The details of any ceremony you
want to accompany your burial, interment or scattering, and
- The details of any marker you
want to show where your remains are buried or interred.
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